Lots of things are being written about the Gores' breakup, including this post at Double X.
Amanda Marcotte writes:
But I suppose I just really object to the discourse in which marriages are deemed a success if they end in death and a failure if they end in divorce. It turns marriage into a competitive sport and shames divorcees for making what was usually the best choice for them. It's also misleading. Everyone's been around those longstanding couples who loathe each other but are prevented from ending it because of inertia. I can't support any system that privileges couples who snipe at each other every chance they get over those who decide to part ways instead of making themselves and everyone around them miserable.
I have to strongly disagree with her determination that the common wisdom deems a marriage a success if it lasts until death and a failure if not. I think we're all wiser than that. Nobody who has been around one of those 'sniping' couples she mentions even remotely considers lauding them for staying together in a dysfunctional relationship! We've all know couples who'd have been better off divorced.
But that doesn't mean we should celebrate the decision to quit and move on.
The truth is, marriage is a living thing. It requires nurturing - you have to keep checking on it, and adjusting your approach as it grows and changes. Some times it needs discipline, some times you put up with it being less than ideal for a while, some times you challenge it to do better. Sometimes you have to be willing to understand that you are the one who needs a little work; that your marriage isn't the reason you're not happy, it's you. And you have to be willing to step up and do that work, providing sweat equity toward the marriage.
The Gores say their lives went in different directions. Understandable, for people with so many options on their plates, what are the chances they'd both want to take the same path? But they let it happen. Surely there were many opportunities for one or the other to make a compromise, and no doubt many of those compromises were made. And either someone got tired of compromising, or they got far enough apart that the gap was too far for compromise to span. Either way, it was still a failure. I'm certain neither of the Gores is feeling proud of dissolving their marriage, and neither should we exalt them for doing so. Even in the name of 'doing what is right for me'.
Sure, they're being adult about it. Their children are grown, they are free to follow their hearts, and that's their prerogative. But I will not celebrate the fact that they were unable to work together toward a common goal any longer.
One of the commenters said:
I've come to wonder if being married is a vocation, a calling, in much the same way that some (only a few) have the calling to the religious life.The nugget of truth in that is that yes, some people most likely do come to marriage in the way that others come to parenting or ice skating or drawing or any other creative endeavor: easily and naturally. For the rest of us, it can be a lot of effort to get a good result. So we shouldn't condemn those who try and fail, but neither should we celebrate that failure. Let's save our accolades for those who get it right, whether easily and naturally or through hard work and stubborn determination.
And let the Gores mourn their marriage privately.
