Isn't this against some sort of medical code?

Have you heard the story of our third child? In the big scheme of things, it's not much, but in our little family, it's a doozy. (If you've heard this before, scroll down a few paragraphs!)

I'm at the dentist, 3 year old KT in tow so she can see mommy at the dentist. Just a cleaning and quick check up. Then the doctor says, "could you be pregnant?" HA! ME? PREGNANT? It took 6 years of trying (REALLY trying) to make the first one, and a ton of drugs to get her and her brother, so NO, I could not be PREGNANT for heaven's sake. 

(See, I was in a trial for gum disease meds to get free dental care, and they need to know these things, so they ask.)

So the nurse says, "would you mind giving us a sample so we can be sure?" Sample!?! Like it's a little cup of Hamburger Helper at the Sam's Club or something. Sure, I'll pee in a cup for ya. LOL :D

20 minutes later, (where is that darn nurse anyway, did she go on break or something?), she drops three little sticks in  my lap and says, "you're pregnant, go home". Ruh-Roh.

I'm 40 and pregnant. Hubby's out of town, so there's phone call number one. "You driving? No? Sure? Ok, well guess what?"

Call the parents second, and all of a sudden I feel like a 16-year-old unwed mother talking to my Pastor Dad. Kind and compassionate, Pastor Dad says, "Well, honey, we know what causes that!" Thanks Pops.

Once the dust settles, the panic sets in. Crap. We just sold the high chair and saucer and all the baby stuff. Crap, we don't have room for a third car seat. Crap, crap, crap. The good news is I'm not this tired because I have diabetes. Small blessings.

But the big panic is just starting. The OB/GYN says WHAT?? Get IN here, according to our best estimates you could be three months pregnant! And this is a GERIATRIC pregnancy. (Yep, actually all three of mine were geriatric pregnancies. Go figure).

So for this baby, we decide to have an amnio. We never did for the other two, because it is what it is, and we'll love the baby no matter what. And even though abortion was never and still is not an option, this time I feel I need some information. We're living on one income in one of the most expensive states in the country, I have one child with special needs getting 3 times a week therapy, a husband that is newly diagnosed with MS, and I REALLY need to know what I'm getting into here.  Even just knowing girl or boy would be helpful, as we have to get all new stuff.

As most of you know, everything was fine, baby number three came out the genetic rebel - with Pastor Dad's blue eyes and Oma's blonde hair, and she's the light of our lives. But I can't help thinking that had it been different, and were we facing challenges, having time to prepare financially, mentally, and educationally would have meant everything. We could have prepared the families, marshaled our resources, and brought that baby into the best possible situation.

And then this.

I am stunned at the news out of Kansas about legislation that would immunize from prosecution a doctor who discovers that a baby will be born with a devastating condition and deliberately withholds that information from his patient. The thought is that if the doctor opposes abortion, he/she could deliberately withhold information if they think the mother might wish to abort.

Holy Shit. And it's not just Kansas. Oklahoma has a similar law, and Arizona is considering it.
 
Let me see if I understand this, I'm PAYING for a test to determine the health of my unborn baby, and you can LIE to me about the results? Excuse me? Seriously? And you think this helps things HOW?

I find this truly disturbing. If you can't trust your doctor to tell you the truth, what sort of society do we have here. Do I have to give my doctor a moral fibre test before I hire them to care for my health? Maybe swear an oath to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?

And what about the baby I could have had? Would I have been broadsided in the delivery room trying to take in a complicated diagnosis and dealing with family, friends and siblings on the fly? Is that any way to bring a child into the world, to parents who have no clue how to properly provide care for her? Especially when that's avoidable?

And hey, talk about big government intrusion! Conservatives, where are you now? Let's get the 'Gummint' out of our lives and not let them tell us what to do. Where are all the people who oppose helmet and seatbelt laws? They should be up in arms about this one!

This is simply not acceptable, and reasonable people need to stand up and say so. If a doctor doesn't want to give a woman information that could lead to an abortion, I think it's time for a new specialty!

If you can't convince people to not abort difficult pregnancies on principle, tricking them into having a baby with such challenges is surely as unconscionable as aborting that baby.

A Public Service Announcement

For some time, many of us have wondered, "Who is Jack Shit?"  We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, "You don't know Jack Shit!"  Well, thanks to my efforts, you can now respond effectively:

Jack Shit is the only son of Awe Shit who married O Shit.  In turn Jack Shit married Noe Shit and had six children: Holie Shit, Giva Shit, Fulla Shit, Bull Shit, and the twins Deep Shit and Dip Shit.  Deep Shit married Dumb Shit, a highschool dropout.  After 15 years, Jack and Noe Shit got divorced and she married Ted Sherlock and became Noe Shit Sherlock.  Meanwhile Dip Shit married Lota Shit and had a child with a rather nervous disposition named Chicken Shit.  Fulla Shit and Give Shit married the Happens brothers in a double wedding.  The newspaper invited everyone to the Shit-Happens wedding.  Bull Shit traveled the world and returned home with an Italian bride, Pisa Shit. 

So from now on, no one can tell you that you don't know Jack Shit!

 

You're welcome.  You can thank me later :)

The Fragile State of Marriage

Should we applaud a marriage dissolved? Even, or maybe especially, if it dissipated like an oil slick, at the end resembling not so much what it was intended to be, but rather just a sheen of its former self on the surface of two lives?

Lots of things are being written about the Gores' breakup, including this post at Double X.

Amanda Marcotte writes:

But I suppose I just really object to the discourse in which marriages are deemed a success if they end in death and a failure if they end in divorce. It turns marriage into a competitive sport and shames divorcees for making what was usually the best choice for them. It's also misleading. Everyone's been around those longstanding couples who loathe each other but are prevented from ending it because of inertia. I can't support any system that privileges couples who snipe at each other every chance they get over those who decide to part ways instead of making themselves and everyone around them miserable.

I have to strongly disagree with her determination that the common wisdom deems a marriage a success if it lasts until death and a failure if not. I think we're all wiser than that. Nobody who has been around one of those 'sniping' couples she mentions even remotely considers lauding them for staying together in a dysfunctional relationship! We've all know couples who'd have been better off divorced.

But that doesn't mean we should celebrate the decision to quit and move on.

The truth is, marriage is a living thing. It requires nurturing - you have to keep checking on it, and adjusting your approach as it grows and changes. Some times it needs discipline, some times you put up with it being less than ideal for a while, some times you challenge it to do better. Sometimes you have to be willing to understand that you are the one who needs a little work; that your marriage isn't the reason you're not happy, it's you. And you have to be willing to step up and do that work, providing sweat equity toward the marriage.

The Gores say their lives went in different directions. Understandable, for people with so many options on their plates, what are the chances they'd both want to take the same path? But they let it happen. Surely there were many opportunities for one or the other to make a compromise, and no doubt many of those compromises were made. And either someone got tired of compromising, or they got far enough apart that the gap was too far for compromise to span. Either way, it was still a failure. I'm certain neither of the Gores is feeling proud of dissolving their marriage, and neither should we exalt them for doing so. Even in the name of 'doing what is right for me'.

Sure, they're being adult about it. Their children are grown, they are free to follow their hearts, and that's their prerogative. But I will not celebrate the fact that they were unable to work together toward a common goal any longer.

One of the commenters said:

I've come to wonder if being married is a vocation, a calling, in much the same way that some (only a few) have the calling to the religious life.

The nugget of truth in that is that yes, some people most likely do come to marriage in the way that others come to parenting or ice skating or drawing or any other creative endeavor: easily and naturally. For the rest of us, it can be a lot of effort to get a good result. So we shouldn't condemn those who try and fail, but neither should we celebrate that failure. Let's save our accolades for those who get it right, whether easily and naturally or through hard work and stubborn determination.

And let the Gores mourn their marriage privately.

Kaedee's Big Trip

Kaedee and I spent a week in NYC on Wednesday! It was a wild, whirlwind trip!
I'm going to write a few posts here about it for friends who would like to see and hear more, and to keep a record for myself!

So the story begins...

One day I was avoiding work by messing around on the internet, and somehow I came across a link to enter the Barbie's I Can Be... mentor contest. Kaedee was in the room, so I asked her if she thought she'd like to enter. She looked it over and said, yeah sure. So I wrote the essay the online application asked for, filled out all the info, and clicked SUBMIT.

One of those things you do a zillion times, but you just KNOW you'll never win. It's a nationwide search, they must get thousands of submissions.

Weeks go by, and one night at 9:30PM my cell phone rings. I look at the caller ID and it's a number with a strange 310 area code, so I don't answer it. But they leave a message, so I figure, hmmm maybe I should see what it was! Curiosity will kill this cat one of these days!

It was Stefani Green from Mattel to tell us Kaedee is on the short list and they'd like to verify that we'll be free to travel on the dates they'd need us too. I about fell over myself calling her back! Turns out she was in LA and forgot it was so much later here. And yes, Kaedee was on the short list!

We had to go online and look up the contest to remind ourselves what we'd entered! The contest was a partnership between Barbie/Mattel and The White House Project. The WHP does an annual list of "10 Women to Watch" every year, and this year they teamed up with Barbie. They matched up 10 girls with mentors, and Kaedee was going to be one of them! We were so excited, but on pins and needles, afraid to hope! Kaedee said, "Mom, I just wish I knew how short that list is!!"

Two days later, I'm in the middle of a private Photoshop class with a student, and my phone rings. I see that 310 area code and my heart stops. I excuse myself to take the call. And it's good news!! She's IN! The Mattel lady told me ALL kinds of information, I could hardly take it all in. Then I had to finish the class!

I raced into town and went to the High School, and checked Kaedee out. She must have been wondering what the heck was going on, but as soon as she saw my face she knew! I think there was some jumping up and down, and maybe a little squealing. It's all a blur. We called Dad, and hurried home to see if the email came from Mattel with the details, since my head was so full I couldn't remember everything!

We were now in full panic mode... for two weeks! Checking schedules to see what had to be re-arranged, figuring out what we would need for the trip! I had NOTHING fit to wear in the same room as Meryl Streep! Lists, lists, lists. Google, google google. Check maps to see where in the city we'd be. Look up the people we'd be meeting so we'd be informed. Hunt for clothes.

Once I found a dress for the gala awards event, I felt much better, but there were still a lot of details to deal with. But time marched along, and before we knew it we were packing up Daddy's big "road warrior" suitcase and loading up the mp3 players for a long travel day.

More of our story tomorrow...

Xmas/Christmas - whatEVER

Ok, I'm mightily sick of people complaining about the Christ being taken out of Christmas. Some people even complain about using the abbreviation Xmas which is just ignorant. The X is from the first letter of the word Christ in Greek - X= Chi. Not to mention (if you want to reach in the opposite direction) that X is a cross - which is kinda the point. So seems to me Xmas is at least as meaningful as Christmas, if not more.

But the key thing is this - When you complain about not being able to put a nativity on the courthouse lawn, or being told 'Happy Holidays' you are TOTALLY MISSING THE POINT of Jesus' message. Someone sent me this the other day, and I think it explains things well:

Letter from Jesus about Christmas --

It has come to my attention that many of you are upset that folks are taking My name out of the season.

How I personally feel about this celebration can probably be most easily understood by those of you who have been blessed with children of your own. I don't care what you call the day. If you want to celebrate My birth, just GET ALONG AND LOVE ONE ANOTHER.

Now, having said that let Me go on. If it bothers you that the town in which you live doesn't allow a scene depicting My birth, then just get rid of a couple of Santas and snowmen and put in a small Nativity scene on your own front lawn. If all My followers did that there wouldn't be any need for such a scene on the town square because there would be many of them all around town.

Stop worrying about the fact that people are calling the tree a holiday tree, instead of a Christmas tree. It was I who made all trees. You can remember Me anytime you see any tree. Decorate a grape vine if you wish: I actually spoke of that one in a teaching, explaining who I am in relation to you and what each of our tasks were. If you have forgotten that one, look up John 15: 1 - 8.

If you want to give Me a present in remembrance of My birth here is my wish list. Choose something from it:

1. Instead of writing protest letters objecting to the way My birth day is being celebrated, write letters of love and hope to soldiers away from home. They are terribly afraid and lonely this time of year. I know, they tell Me all the time.

2. Visit someone in a nursing home. You don't have to know them personally. They just need to know that someone cares about them.

3. Instead of writing the President complaining about the wording on the cards his staff sent out this year, why don't you write and tell him that you'll be praying for him and his family this year. Then follow up... It will be nice hearing from you again.

4. Instead of giving your children a lot of gifts you can't afford and they don't need, spend time with them. Tell them the story of My birth, and why I came to live with you down here. Hold them in your arms and remind them that I love them.

5 Pick someone that has hurt you in the past and forgive him or her.

6. Did you know that someone in your town will attempt to take their own life this season because they feel so alone and hopeless? Since you don't know who that person is, try giving everyone you meet a warm smile; it could make the difference.

7. Instead of nit picking about what the retailer in your town calls the holiday, be patient with the people who work there. Give them a warm smile and a kind word. Even if they aren't allowed to wish you a "Merry Christmas" that doesn't keep you from wishing them one. Then stop shopping there on Sunday. If the store didn't make so much money on that day they'd close and let their employees spend the day at home with their families

8. If you really want to make a difference, support a missionary-- especially one who takes My love and Good News to those who have never heard My name.

9. Here's a good one. There are individuals and whole families in your town who not only will have no "Christmas" tree, but neither will they have any presents to give or receive. If you don't know them, buy some food and a few gifts and give them to the Salvation Army or some other charity which believes in Me and they will make the delivery for you.

10. Finally, if you want to make a statement about your belief in and loyalty to Me, then behave like a Christian. Don't do things in secret that you wouldn't do in My presence. Let people know by your actions that you are one of mine.

Don't forget; I am God and can take care of Myself. Just love Me and do what I have told you to do. I'll take care of all the rest. Check out the list above and get to work; time is short. I'll help you, but the ball is now in your court. And do have a most blessed Christmas with all those whom you love and remember :

I LOVE YOU,

JESUS

Makes you think we've really just missed the whole thing. Instead of complaining, I think Jesus would be happy if we spent some time loving each other. Say something kind to someone. Do a random act of kindness. Make someone smile. Then God will smile on you.

Merry Xmas!

Can you SEE it?

I was reading a post at Soul Shelter about visualizing success. The old "If you can SEE it you can BE it" theory. Makes sense, I guess, but sometimes I just don't know what to see? Sure, I want to be successful, but what is that? Big house, nice cars like those folks making $10,000 a week from home on TV? Not really me.

Right now, success feels like having all the bills paid on time with something left over. How do you visualize that? I'd love to put everything on automatic payments and know that there will be money to cover the bills. But I can't exactly visualize NOT paying my bills, or NOT checking my bank balance!

So I guess I need to rethink my own vision of my future. Our website is starting to gather steam, I'm finding new revenue streams doing work I like; things are looking up even if just slightly. So if I had to envision a successful lifestyle for myself, it would include:

• one grant project scheduled for every school month
• regular classes in digistuff both online and off that regularly fill
• interesting special projects to choose from at a premium fee so it feels worth it to expend the time
• no debt beyond the house, and maybe even paying off the house
• two good cars - and maybe decent cars for kids too
• cash cushion of 6 months expenses
• Set my own schedule so I can maintain good eating and healthy exercise habits
• the ability to turn down work so that I can do other things for no pay

Looking at that, a lot of my desires require a healthy financial situation - no debt, good income, reasonable expenses. AND all those things are things I can influence if not completely control!

Next up - Goalsetting!

Great little photo of Mom and Bec at the Lost Sea!